1. Day 0 afternoon: Orientation

1 Welcome to Wat Kow Tahm insight meditation center. This afternoon we are going to have an orientation talk for our seven day silent meditation retreat. First of all I always like to start the retreat by offering our thanks to Mae Chee Ahmon Pun, our 92 year old nun, that lives here in the monastery and also to Steve and Rosemary Weissmann, who helped develop this meditation center. Over 25 years they taught more than 8000 people here. They developed this whole meditation center. Rosemary and Steve, with some of you may have meditated with, came here when Rosemary was 35. She left a couple of years ago when she was 60. So we always like to thank them for their hard work they’ve done to develop this place. The buildings, the walkways, the gardens, the meditation areas, all the terraces, everything they have carved out of the jungle. So we are really very much appreciative, that we could walk into this place two years ago and everything is set up for us to do meditation retreats here.

Essential to their activities, Mae Chee Ahmon Pun, our nun, has been here for 50 years. We have Mae Chee Nanika, who has been cooking here on every retreat, every month for the last 27 years. So we thank them for their efforts in the work in developing the center and giving us the chance to come and practice here.

Koh Phangan is very famous for its full moon party and its various 2 other parties, but there is another aspect to the island. There is a lot of yoga and other healing types of workshops going on, all types of spiritual activities are going on on the island and many types of meditations from many different traditions.

We offer our retreat here in the hope that Koh Phangan will lead to your spiritual evolution and allowing us to become more useful members of society. Keep that in mind when you’re meditating this week.

This orientation talk is meant to give us some introduction and some additional information as to the purpose of our meditation retreat here. We’ll be talking about the word «meditation». We’ll be talking about a «retreat». We will also go through a few of the guidelines that we like to follow here and also we’ll be having a look at the silence.

I very much and warmly welcome you here. Let’s have a good retreat together.

After I finish this orientation talk, you will have the opportunity to ask questions, that you may have before we enter into the silence.

1.1. Meditation

First of all, let’s have a look at this word «meditation». What is the meaning of meditation? We use it to refer to training of the mind. To the cultivation and development of particular mental faculties. The faculty of faith and confidence, the faculty of energy, the faculty of mindfulness or awareness, the faculty of concentration and the faculty of wisdom. These five faculties are what we are referring to, when we are talking about meditation. When we are developing meditation, we are developing particular qualities of the mind, that come to increase and grow in strength, which leads us to deep and profound understandings and insights.

So the Buddha’s teaching is often divided into samatha and Vipassana, or calmness meditation and insight meditation. Here we will be practicing satipatthana or the foundations of mindfulness, which leads to both samatha and Vipassana practice. We will be joining them both together. Just like a bird has two wings, we join them together, so we can make the mind stabilize and then we can see things as they really are. We will talk more about the meditation practice later this evening. Satipatthana meditation is all about investigating our own mind and body process. Over the next seven days, we will be attempting to continuously activate our awareness in the present 3 moment. We will be trying to stay in the present moment and internalizing this present moment awareness into our bodies. So we will be in the present, internalized, and we are trying to do this continuously. Try to remember these three words: present moment, internal, continuously. That’s what we are trying to do here on the retreat. We are observing our own mind and body process looking at our body, its physical sensations here and there, looking at our mind, its mental states and its thoughts. We are looking at the pleasantness and unpleasantness that can arise both from physical sensations and mental sensations. We are observing our reactions to things, our liking and our disliking. We will be most interested in observing our identification and appropriation of mental and physical phenomena. Our meditation practice here this week, it’s only about investigating this thing here. We want to understand what this mind and body process is. This is what meditation practice is all about in the Buddha’s teaching. We are investigating it, so that we know it and see it clearly. This is the meaning of Vipassana, to see things clearly. The only thing we need to understand and see clearly is our own mind and body process. The rest of it works itself out. It’s fine just as it is. We do have issues, however, in our mind and body process. So we will be investigating them, primarily to see them as impermanent, to see them as unsatisfactory, relatively, and to see them as non-self, to see them as impersonal. The mind and body process is impermanent, it is unsatisfactory and it is impersonal. It doesn’t belong to anybody, it doesn’t belong to you. Let’s investigate that all for ourselves.

The primary goal of the meditation practice is to remove the sense of self, which is arising continuously in the present moment. Consciously or unconsciously we are appropriating and identifying our sense experience. Things that we see and smell and taste and hear and touch, things that we think about – we are identifying with them. And this continuous process of identification over many years has built up a continuous expression of me and mine, turned it into an I. It has turned into a self. And so this momentary identification with phenomena has crystallized, become more concrete and become a self. It’s become a person, it’s become a personality. So we will be investigating all those things in this retreat, trying to free ourselves from this delusion or this very persistent illusion.

4 Having said that, meditation is neither easy nor difficult, but it does take some patience. It does take some perseverance. You will need to put forth a lot of effort. You will need to be determined and you’ll need to be disciplined. I have spoken to everyone about following the schedule of the retreat, which is designed to keep you continuously practicing. This is the most important part of our meditation retreat. Don’t think that the meditation finishes when I’m ringing the bell and the sitting ends. There are formal walking meditation periods and there are formal sitting meditation periods. The real meditation goes on during the daily activities, when we try to keep our mind in the present moment, keep it from running off into the past and running off into the future, keeping it present, keeping it local, keeping it internalized. If we can do that during the breaks, when we come in here and sit and do our sitting practice, or out on the terraces doing the walking practice, then the mind is going to be able to come together much more efficiently and much more effectively. So please try to be as continuous as possible in your meditation practice.

The Buddha’s meditation practice is not just to make us feel calm and peaceful. It’s much more than that. It’s not about developing psychic powers like telepathy or clairvoyance or clair-audiancy. It’s not about the escaping reality either. Satipatthana meditation is not just a relaxation technique. We are not just trying to be calm and cool and happy. We are not just coming here to bliss ourselves out. The Buddha’s meditation is all about the cessation of dukkha, the cessation of suffering. So that’s what we will be doing here this week.

Our meditation practice is a learning process. We are learning about things. It’s an investigative process not a creative process. We are not creating objects so that we can watch them. We are watching nature. We are observing and investigating nature as it’s arising, when it’s arising in its natural state. We don’t want to be using external objects. There is no need to create an image or object we are going to meditate on. We are using our own mind and body process. That is the object of our meditation. Real things, that are occurring in the present moment. That will give us a clear view or a clear seeing of the nature of reality. If we want to understand reality, we are going to have to investigate just reality. Investigating concepts or stabilizing 5 on concepts doesn’t leave to us understanding the true nature of reality. We need to work with the real objects in real time for us to see things clearly as they are.

So in mindfulness meditation we are not trying to do anything. We are not trying to make anything. We are just watching and waiting and watching and seeing what is happening as it unfolds. We are not wanting anything. We are not expecting anything. We are observing. We’ve bought a ticket to the cinema and we are watching the show. We are not getting involved with the show. We are not jumping up on the stage with the actors in the theater. We are sitting back, reclining in our seat and watching what’s going on. So our meditation practice is hands off. It’s turning our experience of the mind and body process into an objective field of objects that are arising and passing away. We will be using those objects as the foundation for mindfulness. We need to practice simply and continuously. We are not trying to make something happen and we are not resisting anything either. We are not trying to push anything away. We are not trying to make anything disappear. We are not trying to create something. We are being present. We are activating our awareness in the present moment and observing what’s there. You’re not going to an object in trying to be mindful of it. The object has already passed away if we do that. We are activating our awareness, so that we are present, and, we are seeing the object of consciousness. And we are doing that over and over again. Activating our awareness, seeing what is there, stepping back from it, disengaging from it, so that it can pass away.

So we are being in the present, we are just staying in the present moment, being awake and knowing and aware. Don’t forget what is happening now. Don’t allow your mind to go wandering here and there. Don’t allow it to go into the past or into the future. If your awareness is present and if wisdom is also present, then your mind will be free in the present moment. And that’s the state of awareness we are aiming for. We are aiming for freedom in the present moment from our own defilements, from our own afflictions.

We will need to check our attitude on this meditation retreat. Some of you have come here a second time, a third time, a fourth time. We need to check our attitude. Sometimes we have great expectations. Sometimes we 6 really want to get it. We really want to become a meditator, we really want to get this. We can be super enthusiastic. We can be super wanting. We desire to get meditation. We desire to become a meditator. Please check your attitude. Throw this one out! This is not the type of attitude that you need for meditation. Meditation is exactly the opposite of desire. We are letting go of desire. Even of good things, even for success in meditation. You have all made enough effort to arrive here. That is as much desire as you will need to complete the meditation practice. Don’t expect any results. This will create a lot of anxiety and stress in your meditation practice. Just be cool with whatever is arising and passing away in the moment. If it’s unpleasant, it’s unpleasant. If it’s pleasant, it’s pleasant. And there it is and it’s passing away. If we hold on to it, whatever the object is, whatever the emotional state is, whatever the repetitive thought is, then we dukkher ourselves. We create suffering for ourselves by holding and attaching to mental and physical states. When we see things as they really are, the mind naturally disengages from mental and physical phenomena. It’s the key to a happy life. It’s the key to understanding the mind’s reactionary processes. This week we will be talking a lot about the nature and structure of the mind, not only the contents of the mind. You will be able to, if you follow the instructions carefully, observe this for yourself. You will be able to see the structure of your mind and how cause and effect act together. Continuously believing that they are somebody. It’s a very strange situation, that this thing, that came out of our mothers, this mind and body thing, this process has come to believe that it is someone. And this causes a lot of difficulties. When we are not under this false view, when we are not being attacked by this view, then we are free from the sense of self. We have gone back to nature. We’ve returned to our true and a beautiful state of love and compassion, a state of selflessness.

Check the quality of your awareness, if you’re observing the mind. Each time you come to the hall here, check your attitude. When you come in and sit down and you really want to get something, just stop that! Just come in with the attitude of «well, let’s see what happens.» Every sitting is going to be different. This week you will be doing more than 50 sittings. There are going to be some really tough ones. There are going to be some fantastic ones. And there’s going to be a whole lot in the middle. Some of them boring, 7 some of them frustrating, some of them kind of okay, some of them tired, some of them just buzzing and blissful beyond belief, some of them will give you great insights, some of them will give you great frustrations, some of them will just be repeating, repetitive conversations with yourself and your family members, some of them will be silent, some of them will be real meditation, some of them will be thinking. Lots of different sittings this week. Be prepared for them. Meditation is not just completely being blissed out. It’s a lot more work than that but the work is extremely rewarding. The work will lead you to holding the key to releasing your own mind from dukkha.

So we check our attitude. Are you trying to get something? Are you trying to become something? Why are you meditating? Are you coming to the hall to get something? Stop that attitude. That’s the wrong attitude. That’s the attitude of desire.

The present moment is always defined as mind and matter which are arising independent of desire. When the mind and body process no longer want something to be different than it actually is, then we are in the present, right here. If we are always wanting something, if we are always wanting our experience to be different, then we are always projecting into the future. We are never quite here. We are not satisfied with what’s present. We want it to be otherwise. We want it to be different than what it actually is. This is desire to get something, to change something, to become something. That it is not what we are looking for. We want to see it as it actually is. So you need to drop any kind of desire. That wanting is the very mind state that blocks your meditation. You’re blocking your access yourself by wanting things to be different than they actually are.

We don’t want to control the experiencing in any way. Our responsibility is right attitude.

1.2. Retreat

Secondly let’s have a look at the word retreat. Retreat means a period of seclusion for prayer or study or meditation. Retreat also means a place of security or shelter. All these definitions are given here at Kow Tahm. This is a period of time of meditation, a place of security and shelter from the world. Being isolated from the external world a few days and being with yourself in silence, you really get a chance to have a look at your own mind. For most of 8 us we haven’t been silent for seven days since we came out of our mothers. We’ve always been talking, continuously chattering away. But here is no way to escape our own mind. We’re going to be watching our own mind, our mind states, our reactions, what we like and dislike, our identification with things. Here we only have a chance for listening. There’s no Internet and no books to read and no place to go to. We won’t be able to distract ourself with anything external. We will be paying attention to the present moment and seeing what is in our mind. Meditation is mind training. We are going to put the mind on a leash this week. We try to train it a little bit.

Without these distractions, it’s an excellent opportunity to do our internal work. Usually when we have a problem when we face difficulties, we like to talk about it with others. Here we don’t do that. Here we examine it. We observe it to deal with it wisely on our own. We don’t suppress things and we don’t run away from our mind states. We are patient. There will be frustrating or agitated moments.

There will be moments when you’re thinking, «what am I doing here. Really, what am I doing here?». And you start to loop and think about all the excuses you can find to try and escape. Have a look at those mind states! Here you have to learn how to deal with your own mind. You won’t be able to bounce off your mind state with your partner or friends. You can regard your work as an investigation. There will be unpleasantness. There will be a lot of pleasantness as well. All different mind states are going to be coming up. You shouldn’t regard any of these mind states as a problem for your meditation. Nothing is a problem in your meditation practice! Meditation practice is the removal of the problems! It’s the observing of whatever is there. Every object can be an object of awareness and wisdom. Every object can be noted, known and let go of. We are learning how to function in the world without being disturbed, without creating suffering for ourselves. That’s what the heart of meditation practice is all about. Learning how to deal with issues. And the big issue is internal. Really, there’s nothing wrong with the outside world! Things are as they are. They will be as they will be. What we can do though, is train our mind, train our reactions to the world. It’s our reactions to the external world that creates happiness or unhappiness. If you can see that, you will be the master of your own happiness. Happiness comes from 9 non-reaction. Happiness comes from seeing things as they really are. Happiness comes from contentment with how things are in the moment. When we’re not content with how things are in the moment, we’re not happy. So a lot of our meditation practice, especially in the first two days, will be about practicing patience and contentment. Being content to be here and to do the practice.

Whilst on a retreat, we try not to think about our work or studies. We’re not interested in our family and friends and what they’re doing this week. We are focusing on our own work. Just be present, don’t think about the future, not even next week. A meditation retreat is not a time for you to come and think about your future. That is not meditation. It’s just thinking. It’s just your own imagination. The future is uncertain and doesn’t even exist. The future exists as a thought in your mind in the present moment. Anything to do with the future, is just your mind right now thinking about the future. It doesn’t have any objective reality. It’s just what your imagination is doing. The past is the same. It only comes into existence as a thought arising in the present moment. The past exists as a thought in the present. The future exists as a thought in the present. Past and future have no actual reality beyond your thinking.

On the retreat here you don’t have to use your time organizing or worrying about anything. We will take care of all those things for you. Your job is just to remain present, to note and know and to let go.

In a retreat setting like this, we learn to become aware of whatever’s arising in the present moment. We don’t allow our mind to get scattered here and there. Try to bring it back to the present. If we’ve noticed that we’ve gone into the past or the future, bring it back. Nothing wrong! The mind normally wanders here and there. We don’t get upset, when leaves fall off the tree. That’s what they do! We don’t get upset, when fish go swimming. That’s what they do! The mind wanders. So don’t be upset if your mind doesn’t do what you exactly want it to do. It’s just like a new puppy. You have to train it. So a meditation retreat like this provides the ideal training facility to practice meditation. You can consider this meditation hall as a swimming pool. You spend seven days learning how to swim, learning how to watch your own mind. The real practice comes, however, when you leave this place 10 to see if you can swim in the ocean.

Check your attitude, make sure you don’t expect anything to happen. Sit back and see what does happen! Anything valuable does take time to develop. So don’t worry if it’s not working on the first or second day. Don’t cling to any pleasurable experiences that may happen quickly. Sometimes people get very fast results and then they spend the rest of the days trying to get it back again. Let go of everything that arises whether it’s pleasurable or unpleasurable. If it’s pleasant or painful, just let it go.

We are trying to keep our mind present and stabilize our awareness in presentness. Stabilizing our awareness in the stillness of the present, watching whatever flows through the mind and whatever sensations occur in the body.

We have to adjust to a fairly vigorous daily schedule. You’re going to have to deal with bodily discomfort. You’re going to have to deal with habitual thought patterns. Our job is to observe what is arisen, step back from it, disengage and allow it to be let go of. We are observing things to the point that they are so clearly, that the mind can no longer use it as a base for self. It’s discarded. It only has use when it can be a base for the sense of self. If that object is being used as a sense of me, mine or I, or as a condition for the arising of me, mine or I, then it is still useful for creating that. You’ll be stuck in it. If you can disengage from that, stop identifying with the object, then you’re able to free yourself from the object. The problem doesn’t come from the object, the problem comes from your identification with the object. Your attachment to it! We identify with our own bodies, we identify with many different things and social concepts, that have come to surround us. We are identifying with them. We are creating a sense of self out of them both from internal and external sources. We have built this fine sense of me. The Buddha’s teaching is to allow us to see this illusion, to see the fact that we are actually living in the matrix.

Fortunately for us there is a way out. The Buddha’s teachings is the way to escape from the reality that we are living in.

When you experience various discomforts, you might have trouble understanding what’s going on. You’ll be in your own reactive mind state. Unpleasantness – got to move, got to get out of here. Pleasantness – more, want to stay. That’s how we normally react. 11 We are normally completely conditioned by feeling. The citta sankhara, the mind conditioner. Feeling is conditioning everything. Unpleasant feelings are conditioning thoughts of disliking, which turn into aversion and then anger, pushing things away. Pleasant feelings turning into liking, wanting, desiring, craving, pulling things towards us. Pleasant feelings and unpleasant feelings are conditioning the mind, conditioning our experience.

So we will be examining those feelings states. The state of pleasantness or unpleasantness in the present moment, so that we can free our mind from these states. The states will still be there. There will still be pleasantness or unpleasantness, but you just won’t attach to them anymore. You won’t identify with them anymore, so they won’t cause you any distress, worry or concern. When we stop identifying with them, they will pass away extremely rapidly. If we identify with something, we’re holding it and it stays. When we see something clearly with Vipassana insight, we’ve seen it, it’s let go of and it passes away. Attachment leads to suffering, clear seeing leads to letting go. Our meditation practice is all about letting go. Please adjust your attitude if you’ve come here thinking that meditation is to try and get something. We haven’t come here to get anything. We’re not going to get anything here. There’s nothing here to get and there’s nobody that gets anything. Meditation is the practice of letting go. So please adjust your worldly stats. The way that we normally view the world is to achieve and get stuff. Meditation is exactly the opposite. We are doing as much as we can to let go of things. We are trying to release and relinquish things. I hope you haven’t come here to get something, to get meditation. Here we’ve come to let go of all things. The more you can let go of, the more your mind will stabilize, the more you’ll see in the present moment. As we start to do the meditation practice, we’ll talk about the various objects that need to be let go of in order for us to experience the state of calmness in which real insight can arise.

1.3. Guidelines

Thirdly, let’s talk a little bit about some guidelines, some rules and regulations that make it comfortable for us to stay here. Don’t regard them as some kind of control. Just try to regard them as conditions. We are putting in place the suitable conditions for the arising of insight. These are agreements 12 to benefit all of us so that we can live harmoniously and peacefully together doing the practice. It’s wonderful when 50 people are in silence living together for a week. You will get to know each other in a certain way, in silence, and it’s wonderful to see each other after the retreat as well.

All of us have a strong commitment to stay here for the full retreat. Be determined to follow all the activities and follow the schedule completely.

Most of us take a lot of interest in our bodies. We like to put nice clothing on and paint it in various ways. Here, we don’t worry too much about that. We don’t need to get dressed up. However, always dress properly, cover your shoulders and your knees, cover your midriff as well. Please don’t lie down anywhere except for your room. Please don’t point your feet towards the speaker or the Buddha in front here.

We ask you to only practice the meditation technique we do here. Those who continuously choose to switch between different techniques, will have created a lot of doubt in their mind. You won’t know what to do from moment to moment. You will be all confused. So please don’t bring that confusion into your meditation practice.

Do your chore with happiness and joy in your mind. You’re giving! You’re giving something to all of us.

1.4. Silence

Fourthly, I want to talk about silence. Here we are on a silent retreat. Probably the single most important factor for a successful retreat is the maintenance of the silence. Silence is sometimes called the doorway to insight. When we’re silent, we start to observe things more intently. We don’t need to verbalize our thoughts all the time. Our thoughts, instead of being pushed all the time out of the door of our mouth, they bounce around inside. They bounce around so that we can see them more clearly. We’re going to be watching them. Of course, it’s normal to have the impulse to talk. We have been talking all our lives. So it’s normal that we have the wish to talk. Especially when something funny happens, we would like to make a comment about that. Please avoid doing that. Please avoid talking or disturbing your roommate or others. It’s not the time to socialize. We regard all talking here as disturbing. So if you start talking to somebody, you start to disturb them and their meditation practice. A single sentence can sometimes bounce around 13 in the head of a person all day. So please be aware that silence is the real secret to having a good meditation retreat. If you start talking you’re going to ruin it for yourself and for others. It’s very important that we maintain the silence – not just silence of the mind, either. Physical communications, even communications with the eyes. We’re not here to flirt with anyone. You’re not here to get a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Be aware that your behavior can be disturbing to somebody who is trying to meditate. We have all come here to be in silence and to meditate.

You should observe bodily silence as well. Please move around quietly, especially in the meditation hall. And calmly, and slowly. There’s no need for you to rush in and out of the hall. Slowly and mindfully come back to the meditation hall after the walking meditation. There shouldn’t be any gaps in mindfulness between your walking meditation and your sitting meditation. There should be one continuous flow over an hour and a half, 45 minutes each. So try to take the walking and sitting meditation as one unit. Don’t go to the toilet or to fill your water bottle in the middle of the walking meditation. Your meditation will be more successful if you can be continuous.

This is one of the few places in the world where we can come and be in silence, where we don’t have to talk. We can enjoy each others company, we can smile at each other. We’re not saying that you have to be a zombie. Smile and still be pleasant to each other but don’t disturb each other.

If you hear other people continuously talking, tell one of the volunteers. Do not go to them and make «ssshhh». This will cause you a lot of problems for a few days. You will feel awful about what you have done. You start to think about it, «oh, why did I do that. I shouldn’t have done it. What will they think about me.» All kind of thoughts. Every time you see that person, you get an uncomfortable and unpleasant sensation in the body, your mind will feel a little bit embarrassed, you turn away from them, feel uncomfortable. So please don’t do that. It will not be beneficial for your meditation practice.

Of course, if there is any emergencies, you need to talk. If there is a snake going into someone’s room, you need to tell them.

So it’s important that we keep the silence because we understand its value and its benefits. Not only for our meditation practice and our spiritual 14 development and our well-being. It’s not just about the rules. It’s about conditions. It’s all about putting the right conditions in place. All of our meditation instructions are just conditions. We are just telling you things you need to do for your meditation to work. So please try to follow all those instructions. If you follow all the conditions perfectly, then insight is going to unfold naturally for you. In fact, you can’t stop it. When all the conditions are there, it’s going to keep overflowing. Just like when the tap is on and the pot is full, it just keeps overflowing. The condition is water going into the pot, the result is overflowing. If all the conditions are there, the dhamma unfolds naturally by itself. If the conditions are not there, the water is not flowing, it’s impossible for that water to start overflowing the pot. So think about your meditation practice in this way. We are putting conditions in place, the results will completely take care of themselves. In fact, there’s nothing you can do to stop it from unfolding if you put the conditions there. Of course, after the 19th silence will be lifted very early in the morning. At 5.30 in the morning on the 19th.